I’m getting close to the end of my second month home, but still not feeling settled. I had a fire under me for the first couple of weeks: cleaning, reorganizing, painting, meal-planning, blogging, schooling. All of these things that would make me feel like a proper SAHM.
Yet here I sit surrounded by list after list, uncrossed. It’s left me feeling unaccomplished and very confused.
I’m home now. Aren’t I supposed to be soaking in the moments with my kids, doing all of those things I never had “time” for? And shouldn’t my house be a little more tidy without the distraction of work? Shouldn’t my kids be a little more obedient with the consistency and structure of mom’s presence?
And school… do we even need to talk about that? Addie attends a kinder program so I don’t do much with her. Alora attends a high school program so her home study time is only 3 days, but she is so super independent that all I have to do is ask how she’s doing once in a while. So the only child I am responsible for is Aidan. How hard should that be? Yeah, it’s that hard. I can’t get a handle on the schedule and routine with him.
I just feel so lost right now, between two worlds. I thought coming home would solve all of the problems we were having. I thought I would be more organized. I thought my house would be cleaner. I thought I would see my friends more. I thought I would do more fun things with my kids. I thought it would make me feel more like part of the SAHM crowd — But just like high school, I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Being home just isn’t fitting the expectations I guess I had. So here I sit in my hole, while trying to figure things out. Maybe staring at these dirty walls will at least inspire me to finish my painting projects.
Okay, so maybe the actual definition said “washed and ironed,” not ignored. But ignoring the laundry sounds closer to reality. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve reset the dryer to get the wrinkles out of the clothes so I can fold/hang them. (I could probably lower my energy cost by 50% if I could just fold the laundry when it was done.)
Laundry and dishes are the two household chores I dislike the most. No one loves scrubbing toilets or baseboards, but I’d do that 100 times over laundry and dishes.
The problem with laundry is that it is never ending. I could spend an entire day washing, drying, and folding to get to the bottom of the hampers and just when I see it, my beautiful family changes into jammies and brings down a full load of clothes. Ryan and Addie spent 8 days out of town, meaning 8 days that I didn’t have them bringing new clothes into the laundry pile. Yet, somehow I was STILL doing their wash on day 7. That means it takes me a full week to get to the bottom of one hamper, just to get started on the next.
Dishes are the same thing. You finally get to the bottom of the sink, and suddenly everyone is hungry and dirty dishes reappear. Plus, I’m pretty sure they multiply like tribbles when I’m not looking. Sometimes I think the solution is to but more dishes so it wouldn’t be a big deal if they were done all the time. But maybe the better solution is to just stop feeding my family… Or maybe just eat pizza off paper plates.
I hear the dryer calling to me again to come empty it. *sigh* Maybe I can squeeze in one more cup of coffee before the “wrinkle out” cycle is done (for the 3rd time).
I had these grand plans to blog regularly. I even have a reminder set so I’ll know when a week has passed. But alas, reality has set in and I realize that even a SAHM doesn’t always have TIME.
My husband went out of town for 8 days, taking my 6 y/o with him. I had great ideas for what I would accomplish when they were gone. But my 3 y/o had other plans for me… starting with getting sick right before they left. This made him very clingy. Plus, his daily partner in crime was gone so he wanted my FULL attention during the day. On the third day, I woke up sick myself, probably thanks to the coughing in the face from the 3 y/o.
I did manage to get the bathroom painted while they were gone, and paint purchased for the office. And I suppose getting a garage sale done on Saturday was quite the feat, too. At the end of the week, however, I still feel like there was so much left undone. No grocery shopping had been done while they were away. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I only cooked dinner twice in a 7 day span. But no one went hungry so they can’t complain.
On a side note, fresh paint on the walls always reminds me how dirty my floors and baseboards are.